6 month letter

Dear Miss B,

"Lord, if I've ever needed someone, 

I need you.

To keep me from my selfishness.

To lead me on to givingness,

so I can see a new tomorrow."

                                -Van Morrison

We dance to records daily.  It is usually how I put you down for your naps during the day (which are very short these days...and I think you are transitioning from 3 naps a day to 2 very short naps a day).  The other day we were dancing to a Van Morrison record and when the song above came on, I just starting weeping.  I have been crying at the drop of a hat the last couple of weeks. Could be hormones (female hormones just are not fair!) on top of having some consecutive tough days (you are teething, not sleeping much during day, and, on more than one occasion, have wanted to nurse ALL night long).   I normally want to lay you in your crib as soon as you fall asleep to get SOMETHING...ANYTHING done.  Brush my teeth, wash the dishes, go to the bathroom, check my e-mail, or, I don't know...eat a meal.  But not this day.  I held you tight and danced with you through your entire nap.  I could not hold you close enough.  I wanted to squeeze you into me somehow (by osmosis?) so that moment with you would be ingrained in my brain forever.  That is how I feel about all of our moments.  I want to remember you this way forever and every single moment is special.  I was crying because in the day to day it is so easy to forget this.  When you are upset and only want your mommy.  When I don't get 5 minutes to myself all day, I find myself getting frustrated.  But I have to keep reminding myself that you will not always only want your mommy.  One day you will want to be as far away from me as possible!  So, I guess I want to tell you I am sorry for all the times I lose my cool.  Being a mommy is the hardest and absolutely best thing ever at the same time.  I just love you so much.

6 months.  I just can't believe it.  They say the 4-6 month period is the "falling in love" phase.  Well, I have been madly in love with you since day 1, but I get why they say that.  I find myself enamored lately with every thing you do.  I try to capture every minute and take WAY too many photos and probably post too much on Facebook.  I just want to share with everyone I know (and don't know for that matter) the joy that you bring to me everyday.  Some days I vow not to take your picture all day and go as far to put you in an "ugly" outfit so I am not tempted...and you still look too cute not to document on film!   

This month flew by.  We have been keeping ourselves busy in Venice.  We have been going to baby yoga and moms group on Tuesdays.  We see the chiropractor on Wednesdays and they continue to be your biggest fans.  They all exclaim "Breckin's here!" the minute we walk in the door and they show you off and brag about you to all of the other clients while I am getting worked on. You love it.

We have been going to the Farmers' Market most every Sunday.  We have been watching a lot of college football, and you have been sporting your jayhawk/cowboy outfits every saturday.  You experienced your first bedlam loss last weekend as the cowboys went down to the sooners in football.  It was a bad one, but trust me, it never gets any easier, but you'll learn to live with the curse of being a cowboy fan after a while.  We also celebrated your first Thanksgiving at the Charbonnets' here in Venice.  You almost let me sit down for a full dinner ;).

The other day at moms group we had to finish the statement, "I am beautiful because...".  I am beautiful because you are beautiful, miss B.  I have never thought of myself as a stunner physically.  Now I feel more beautiful than ever (even with a face full of zits) because of you, this perfect from head to toe beautiful baby, came from me...I must have it going on a little bit.  And, of course, your daddy too.

You love to sit in your little chair up on the counter in the kitchen.  You watch me cook/clean and try to get your little hands on everything on the counter.  You have mastered open and closing the bread box.

You are on the move.  You are not actually crawling yet, but you are an expert at being on your tummy.  This is how you prefer to play.  You stretch out into the super man over and over.  You have not figured out how to go forward yet, but you'll kick your legs and push with your arms so you go backwards.  You also do consecutive rolls to get where you need to go.

Anything within arms reach is a risk.  You can reach out and grab and hold onto anything.  Sometimes I catch you focusing in on the movement of your hand like it a bionic arm and you are watching it move for the first time. You'll open and close your fingers real slowly, testing your coordination.  Your favorite things to grab include:  my phone, the remote control, Leon's tail, coffee cups, cords, my hair, picture frame above the changing table...basically anything that is not your toys.  You are getting more into your rattles and taggie soft books but never for long.

You have started to reach out for us when we pass you back and forth.  We have started to work on your wave.  When daddy goes to work, we will stand at the door and wave bye to him.  We practice in the mirror and you even lifted your arm up once!

You went through a HUGE growth spurt in the middle of this month.  Only a few of your things that are size 3-6 months still fit.  You are mostly in your 9 month gear.  Although you are still long and lean, your arms and legs are getting a good amount of chub on them, and you have a little junk in your trunk!   Your feet and hands seem much bigger and you are getting more hair!  We still can't figure out the color of your hair yet.  It seems to change everyday.   Your eyes have stayed mostly blue but sometimes we catch a hint of green in them.  You are a beautiful, beautiful baby.

I love that first 10 minutes in the morning when we are laying in bed face to face.  You'll study my face very intently and explore it with your hands, squeezing and pulling.  You do this throughout the day too, but you are so sweet about it in the morning.

You definitely know where your food source comes from, and you will go searching for it when you are hungry.  Your hand is in constant exploration when you are eating too.  Playing with my necklace or just lovingly rubbing my chest and face or holding my hand.  If you get distracted you will quickly pop off and just stare at me as if to say, "what was that?".  You have also found your ear while you nurse. You'll rub it and tug on it sometimes. You like to sit up on my lap facing me to nurse sometimes.  This is new and it makes me feel like you are getting old...

You love to smile and squeal.  You have these 4 teeth that you are getting accustomed to.  Your smile almost seems uncoordinated b/c you are still figuring out what the heck to do with your teeth!  I guess you would call it a crooked smile. You smile with your bottom two teeth like you are showing them off to everyone...look at my teeth!  Leon is still the one that makes you laugh the hardest.  You'll be crying and Leon will walk in the room and you'll just start cracking up in between your sobs.  You like to watch Leon from a a blanket in the backyard.  You'll laugh at him as he runs around the yard.  It is so funny!

You are quite the comedian.  You have learned to make yourself cough, but you forget you can do it until you cough for real.  So it is always a real cough followed by several fake coughs with a huge grin in on your face as you look to us for a reaction.

One of my favorite things continues to be when you rub your eyes when you are sleepy.  It is human and instinctual and so, so, so stinkin' cute.

Although you are a mama's girl through and through at the moment, you break into a HUGE smile when daddy comes home from work.  You love dancing with daddy and he is the best at singing you lullabyes.  Lately he has been singing "I'll find a way" by Spirit Family Reunion and this one:

 "Lay down my dear brother (breckin).

Lay down and take your rest.

Won't you lay your head

upon your saviors breast.

I love you, 

but Jesus loves you the best. 

And I bid you good night, good night, good night"

-Grateful Dead

I mean 6 MONTHS!  They have all been monumental, but this feels like a really big one.  Your half birthday.  6 more and you'll be ONE.  And I ask again...time stop please.

 No matter how many hard days there are, when you are away from me for longer than 1 minute my heart starts to ache for you.  Even when I have been trying to get you to sleep for hours, the minute you do fall asleep I am tempted to wake you up because you look so angelic and I miss you.  I feel so, so lucky to be your mama. 

Love, 

Mommy and Daddy